I NEED JESUS

    Okay this is going to be real life post... one of those  "not-so-pretty-make-you-a-little-uncomfortable" kind of posts.  So there's your warning, stop reading now if you would like.  
    These past few months have been some of the hardest in my adult life with children.  Lynnlee is three and is a constant handful.  Levi will be one in March and is very curious about the way things work (in other words he takes everything apart).  So as you can imagine my day is full of cleaning up messes and feeding small humans.  Under normal circumstances that would not be a huge ordeal, however add to this that Travis is starting his own reconstruction/remodel business and things have been a bit strained.  I have struggled to juggle my role as mommy with my role as supportive wife and cheerleader with my role as "keep the house running" lady.  Travis has had to work lots of late nights so my days have been void of any "me" moments.  I reached my breaking point yesterday and had a complete come apart, melt down, epic fall to pieces and spew words of anger, bitterness, and frustration moment. (Or few hours, okay let me be for real with you.)  
     Through this episode i have come to some conclusions, first of all the whole motherhood thing is super hard even on good days so we must have grace for one another and ourselves.  Second of all it is important as a woman to have a good ole fashion cry sometimes.  Third of all, every single person on this planet needs to be able to use the bathroom ALONE at least one time a day.  And finally, attempting to do any of these things without Jesus is absolutely, positively, one hundred percent impossible.  
     I love my children.  I love being a Mommy and staying home with them on a daily basis.  I feel like I am a fairly reasonable person.  That being said I have felt like a complete basket case and grumpy monster for the past few weeks.  I could blame it on so many things and a culmination of many things but the reality is that I am running on empty.  I am unable to give my children or my husband anything good in me because there is nothing good in me left. 
     Let me also reveal another misconception I have believed until this season.... having a "quiet time" in the morning before my children need me is wonderful.  Spending some much needed moments with God is necessary for me to start my day off well, BUT if that is the most time I spend consulting with God during the day I am in a for a world of hurt . It is the moment to moment that I need Him most.  It is the instant that I recognize that my child has just demolished packing Styrofoam into tiny balls in the play room and says that it is snowing that I need Jesus not just in memory of what I heard from Him that morning but in what I need that minute to not completely lose my composure on my three-year-old.  (By the way, that stuff is straight from Satan and is impossible to clean up... seriously)  I need Jesus, literally EVERY MOMENT to be a good Mom, wife, friend, person.  I mean maybe some of you are just good people, just generally patient, kind, loving, and peace filled.  I envy you, I wish I was more like that naturally, but the honest to goodness truth is that I am none of those things left on my own.  Just ask my husband or my children.  So there it is, the real truth about my heart.  If you peeked behind closed doors or a hidden camera that is what you would find.  I need Jesus.  I need Him to be good for anything.  I need Him to love people well.  I need Him I need Him I need Him.  

Under your wing

     I was sitting alone in church yesterday morning... now this never happens, I usually sit with Travis (husband) or friends.  But yesterday Travis wasn't feeling well and I slipped in after the choir dismissed so I sat in an empty row.  I really enjoy the solidarity sometimes, it allows my mind to be completely focused on the Word being given, distractions minimized.  And I can tell that this was one of those God moments, you know the ones where the circumstances align just perfectly in His sovereignty?  Our pastor is preaching through the book of Ruth.  This is one of my favorite stories in the Bible and possibly of all time.  I love the attention to detail that God took when orchestrating Ruth's path to Boaz... I digress, anyway that was what he was preaching on.  As many times as I have read this story I had never seen the beauty in a particular passage of scripture.  Boaz is speaking to Ruth in this passage upon first seeing her gleaning in his fields...

Ruth 2:12 "The Lord repay you for what you have done (taking care of Naomi, her mother-in-law) and a full reward be given you by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge." 

    My pastor took a moment to highlight some other areas of scripture where this imagery is used to display God's protection and provision.  The first time it is used is Deuteronomy 32:10-13 Moses is singing over the people of Israel in the desert soon before he died. In verses 10 & 11 he sings "He found him in a desert land and in the howling waste of wilderness; he encircled him, he cared for him, he kept him as the apple of his eye. Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that flutters over its young, spreading out its wings, catching them, bearing them on its pinions." And also, David, in Psalms, refers to this same passage of scripture saying: "Wondrously show your steadfast love, O Savior of those who seek refuge from their adversaries at your right hand.  Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of Your wings." (Psalms 17:7-9)  Both of these scriptures paint the picture of God hovering over His children, shielding and protecting them from harm or danger.  As I heard these words, I lost my breath, my eyes flooded with tears, and I was taken over by the love of my God.  Then the pastor spoke these words that overwhelmed my heart all the more... He said "Between the need (financial, emotional, relational) and God's people are God's wings."  And then went on to speak about the foreshadowing of Jesus in this passage as well.  Jesus is our ultimate covering, our wings that cover our sins and make us white as snow.  I am overwhelmed guys.... overwhelmed by a God that loves me this much.  My heart is full of joy with this knowledge!  God loves us, He sent Jesus as our eternal covering, we can hide under the shadow of the blood of Christ and know we are safe.  We are safe. 

Hide me now under Your wings

Cover me within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You above the storm

Father, You are King over the flood

I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul in Christ alone

Know His power in quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You above the storm

Father, You are King over the flood 

I will be still and know You are God

Still by Hillsong

You make beautiful things

Sometimes we just need to be reminded that there is still so much beauty in God's creation.  These places make my heart soar with wonder at their Creator! What a beautiful God I serve to make such beautiful places!


I was exposed to this link via www.aholyexperience.com 

/http://www.viralnova.com/here-are-20-unbelievable-places-you-would-swear-arent-real-but-they-are/

The breath of God

How do I love my body… I was recently asked this question by a sweet friend who loves fitness and encourages so many people to live their lives as healthy as possible! At first I was sure I had an answer question that was unique, or a different perspective. I thought to myself… just as anyone else I suppose… anyone else with a limited budget, small children, and sleepless nights.   I try to eat well, or at least I try to remember to eat.  I try to be active, which is fairly easy chasing after two children under three.  I try to give my body rest, in between the cooking, cleaning, nursing, changing, rocking, playing, and did I mention I have an amazing husband I try to reserve some energy for?  I try to drink plenty of water, mostly in my coffee! You know just like all you other Mommas out there. But as I did my quiet time this morning I was reminded of another reason to love my body.  God made it, God crafted it from dust and combined it with His very breath; the breath that crafted the rest of creation was blown into the nostrils of man to give him life.  This same breath, the Holy Spirit, is breathed into our hearts to give us new life on the day of salvation.  I don’t know about anyone else but this is pretty incredible to me.  My body, this imperfect, worn down vessel, houses the breath of God!  I am created in His image… I look like Him.  In my best moments I reflect my Creator.  He created me, therefore He alone gets to name me, and He calls me His beloved.  This is a breathtaking, heart pounding, butterflies in my stomach kind of love.  If I house His breath in my body, than this body is pretty amazing and I will do everything I can to take care of the vessel He crafted to bring Him the glory He deserves! This is the scripture in Genesis that provoked this thought process... 

Genesis 2:7

...then the Lord formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into His nostrils the breath of life. (emphasis added)