Anxiety is not a new thing in my life. I grew up knowing that my family has a history of this monster we label "anxiety". I have a wonderful family full of strong women. We have lots of opinions. We are loud. We love fiercely. We carry the load. We bear all the burdens. We see the problem and immediately feel as though it is our duty to find the solution. Some of those qualities are amazing. Some of them not so much. You see, though the world views this kind of strength as a positive attribute, I am learning that often (at least in my own life) some of them are really just symptoms of an underlying issue. What I am learning is that when I start to feel that it is my responsibility to carry the burdens of everyone around me, to refuse to ask for help when I desperately need it, to assume that I can be the solution to every problem I encounter... I am often dealing with my own anxiety just right under the surface. My anxiety drives me to control EVERYTHING I possibly can. To feel uncomfortable with any unsettled situations. Therefore, I begin the crazy whirlwind of problem solving and micromanaging. This process often leaves me feeling exhausted, overextended, more anxious and absolutely no good for anyone around me.
There you have it. My confession. I turn into a micromanaging control freak with a short temper and a mean spirit whenever I am relying on myself to solve all the worlds problems. Or at least my world. But the past few weeks I have really been asking God to stop this cycle of crazy, to change my "nature" and create in me a new pattern. I thought certainly this would be a long journey of a lot of work and discipline for myself. Instead, you know what I have found Him saying to me? Rest. Stop. Pause. Deep breaths.
"Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7.
That simple. Casting all you anxieties on Him... Notice that is in the present tense... a constant. Continually casting anxieties. God, in His beautiful infinite sovereignty and wisdom, knew that we were going to struggle with wanting to take control of our circumstances for ourselves and saw it fit to remind us to continually cast our worries and fears on HIM. And let's not miss WHY... because He cares for you, for me. He wants my burdens because He loves me, because He knows the only way to live a peace filled life is to rely on Him. And how silly for me not to do this, as though I could change one single thing on my own? He so sweetly calls to me and says "My precious daughter, come to me, lay it all at my feet. Trust me. I am trustworthy. Believe me when I say I will work ALL things out for your very best. I love you." Doesn't that sound too good to be true? The most beautiful gift of love. But He is just that good, He is even more good than that... His love is everlasting and unfailing. There is not a single thing that we, as His redeemed children, could do to make Him love us one iota less. And also not one single thing that we could do to make Him love us one iota more. He just does. His love is perfect like that. So other than us. You can't earn it, you can't lose it. It just is for His children. And He is the Master Problem Solver. The All Knowing One who sees every single thing, past, present, and future. And He is saying to us all, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29I am not naturally good at this, but I know that my sweet loving God is patient and will always be there while I am learning to practice this rest. He is so beautifully gracious that He requires us not to work harder, do better, figure the problem out for ourselves... Instead He says 'come to me and I will give you rest.' And I don't know about you, but those words are like the most refreshing water to my scorched and thirsty soul.
