Have you ever been filled with so many emotions that it feels as though you might bust open at the seams? Well, that is where I am right now.... There are so many different emotions swirling around in my heart that I feel like I might explode. I am also uncertain as to what I am feeling moment to moment. There are so many wonderful things going on in my life right now! So many avenues and doors God has opened for me to explore! There is also a lot of hard going on too. A lot of unanswered questions, unknown next steps, undone current circumstances that I feel as though might swallow me whole. However, in the midst of the craziness going on around me, there is one thing that I can say for certain that is happening: God is opening up my heart and mind to dream again!
Do you remember as a kid when someone asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up how your mind would race with possibilities; maybe a doctor, a teacher, an astronaut, a singer, a professional basketball player, or a dancer... so many options! I'm pretty sure I changed my answer every single time someone asked me that question. Until one day, after many failed attempts at growing 3 feet so I could be a pro basketball player, or I realized that I do not like being in a confined space for long periods of time, those choices began to be narrowed down. I realized that not all of the options were logical for me. I realized that I had to be a little more realistic. I began to think more rationally. That is where the paradigm shift began. And throughout the years, life circumstances, and failed attempts at a lot of different things, somewhere in the midst of it all, I stopped dreaming.
I didn't even realize I had done it. I didn't do it intentionally, but among the college stress, career changes, babies being born, marital hardship, and financial burden, I stopped dreaming. I started living life in the moment, in reality, afraid to have any hopes or dreams for fear of leaving them unrealized. It was simply easier on my heart to not dream than to deal with disappointment. I am very blessed in the life I have! I have a wonderful, God-loving, hard working, super hot husband, 2 beautiful, healthy, energetic, and full of life children, wonderful family, amazing support system, and above all those things, I am redeemed! I have a love relationship with Jesus! And somehow, somewhere, I decided that dreaming about something different was wrong or ungrateful, and I never want to be ungrateful! But in these past few months God has revealed something to my heart. It's okay to have dreams and ambitions beyond your current circumstances! It's okay to look into the future and hope for something.
So what does this mean? What does this look like when paired together? I'm not completely certain yet, but so far this is where I have gotten... God loves me, He knows me, He knows my heart, my potential, my dreams, even better than I know them myself! And guess what? He wants them for me too! He placed those dreams in there when he knit me in my mother's womb! And when I seek Jesus first, when I love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, then my dreams align with His desires for my life! I am not destined to sit in my comfortable home, with my brightly painted walls, and my ordinary life. I am not simply a pew sitter or a choir member. There are big things that God has for me in my life! Now, He may choose to use those avenues, He may leave me in my comfortable warm house with yellow walls and my wonderful church with all of my people, but He is not leaving me here because there is no room to dream, it's because this is where my dreams can be realized! So, in the center of this ordinary, mundane, life I can see the opportunity, I can dream! And when I come to God and ask Him to use me for more and give me dreams that can be realized for His glory, I can almost hear Him shouting "YES!!! Finally! I have been hoping you would ask me for that!"
So what do I dream? The answer is a resounding, I have no idea! But I am so excited to open my heart and mind to the possibilities and pray for God to give me dreams for His glory! Those are the dreams that matter the most in the end anyway! I pray that He will continue to reveal more of the unique qualities and desires He placed in my heart before anyone else knew me! I pray for boldness and bravery to follow through with those dreams once I know what they are! I pray for revelation even in the ordinary and mundane every day. This is what it looks like to dream after years of living in complacency! Join me, let's dream together!
