Bondage

   Webster's dictionary defines bondage as:  the practice of rendering people harmless, helpless or keeping them in captivity by means such as handcuffs, fetters, straightjackets, ropes, straps, or other forms of physical restraint.  In my life I can definitely identify times where I have been rendered completely useless to the Lord by a means of bondage, and let me tell you a secret... Satan wanted it that way!  If Satan can render people harmless, helpless, or hold them captive then he can incapacitate the Gospel from furthering into our culture!  And he is clever about it, Satan doesn't wave a big flashing neon sign that says "Bondage ahead!" Sometimes, oftentimes in my life anyways, it's by my own doing that bondage occurs.  Sometimes I slip those handcuffs on myself! Sometimes I allow someone else to tighten the straps on the straightjacket.  And then there are those times that I am strapped down against my will.  No matter how we got that way, bondage renders us completely useless for the Kingdom. 
     A girfriend and I are doing a study by Beth Moore called "So Long Insecurity".  This book has revealed a lot of areas in my life where I have been in bondage, in some cases for years.  The comparison game, the self depricating and self doubt, in myself and others, have all robbed me of the joy that can come from the Lord using me.  They have robbed me of relationships, they have robbed me of my passion, they have placed me in ropes and restraints and tied my hands behind my back.  For years I have said "I don't want to work with women, I don't even like women."  What a lie my insecurity fed me thatI have bought into.  I love women! I love our hearts, I love our passions, I love our differences and similarities.  What I don't love, what I fear most, is our rejection of one another.  Our unintentional, or intentional, harm to one another is painful to watch, and even more painful to experience.  The world says that weakness should be trampled out, that it should be hidden away.  God says, in our weakness HE is made strong.  The world says we need to look better, do more, hide any sign of vulnerability.  God says, we are fearfully and wonderfully made and that He knit us together in our mother's womb.  That sounds intentional to me! That sounds like he fashioned each nuance of my body, of my spirit, of my personality.  He created me to be exactly who I am and that I should not be ashamed that I am imperfect.  When God does something great through a vessel as fragile and feeble as myself, HIS power is made obvious to the world. HE is glorified by my weakness, if and only if I allow Him to use me.  If I allow Him to free me from my bondage in sin and fear.  If I allow Him to love others through me. 
     My story has it's share of scars, some of them were given through no wrong-doing of my own, some of them were wounds I inflicted on myself.  But if I can untether myself from the weight of shame and meet the arms of forgiveness and grace at the altar, then and only then can I be used for greater things in the Kingdom of God. Below are some lyrics to a song that speaks this freedom so eloquently.

There's a place, a place I've found
Not made of earth, not made of stone
This place is sacred, this place is secret
Here in the presence of a Holy God
Here in the presence of a Holy God

Come to this place, come seek His face
Find the hands of forgiveness
Look into the eyes of grace
Run to redemption with tears of joy and pain
Let fire fall and purify our hearts
Come to the altar, come to His arms

There's a place, a place of healing
There is no shame within your scars
This place is sacred, this place is secret
Here in the presence of a Holy God
Here in the presence of a Holy God

Come to this place, come seek His face
Find the hands of forgiveness
Look into the eyes of grace
Run to redemption with tears of joy and pain
Let fire fall and purify our hearts
Come to the altar, come to His arms

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is God

Come to this place, come seek His face
Find the hands of forgiveness
Look into the eyes of grace
Run to redemption with tears of joy and pain
Let fire fall and purify our hearts
Come to the altar, come to His arms
     May I not be a reason that someone is in bondage.  Lord help me to be a vessel of loosening the chains that are holding us down and rendering us useless, not a vessel that tightens them!

Security

    Within the past few months pretty much every single thing that I knew to be certain in my life has changed.  If you have followed my blog at all since this summer I have talked about many of these changes. First of all, this time last year I was pregnant trying to decide what I was going to do with Lynnlee whenever I went back to work.  I soon gave my worries and fears over to the Lord and made the choice to stay at home with LJ.  This was going to be a HUGE sacrifice, financially, for Travis and I.  We were sure this was what God was calling me to but the fear was still there. Then came the transition from pregnancy to "mommy-hood".  This came quite a bit earlier than anticipated when Lynnlee made her entrance into the world 6 weeks earlier than her scheduled time!  Though this was unexpected, Lynnlee was healthy, she just wanted an earlier start!  There have also been several friendships fade out and others become prominent in this time period.  Some dissipated for reasons unknown, others for lack of common desires.  The relationships that began, as others came to a gradual end, have proven to be a blessing from the Lord during my time in transition.  Travis and I also made the difficult decision to change churches.  Though this choice was not an easy one, it has proven to be the best thing for our family.  The Lord has continued to bless us for our obedience, but for me to say I was completely secure in my decisions throughout all of these situations would be a lie.  I constantly questioned myself, my gifts, what I had to offer.  Each new arena brought out new insecurities about myself.  Would I be a good enough "stay-at-home-mom"?  What would people think about my choice not to use my degree at this time?  What would people say about Travis and I changing churches?  All of these thoughts plagued my every move.  Within the past few weeks God has been dealing with my thoughts, fears, and concerns about myself and my decisions.  I know that in all of these moves Travis and I have made the choices together.  That alone gives me a little security, Travis is in my corner, he has my back.  Another comfort is knowing that God is strong enough for each and every circumstance I encounter, good or bad.  No matter my situation I can find contentment and comfort in His enduring love and unmatchable strength.  I know that in ALL of life's many ups and downs, in all of my fears and insecurities, in all of the uncertainties that will come my way, GOD is present and active.  He does not sleep nor does He slumber,  He sees and knows each of my fears and offers comfort if I am willing to trust in Him.  I pray that I would continue to find my security in the Lord, not the world!  That I would trust My Creator to tell me the truth about myself, not society, not even the church.  If we cheapened ou worth to what the world says of us, we will miss out on the blessing that comes with taking steps in faith and believing in the sovereignty and goodness of God!  For to live, to truly live in the freedom of the Lord, is Christ! Anything other than that is a cheap knock-off that will leave us wanting.