It has been a while since I have blogged, this is a testament to the craziness that is my life with an (almost) three year old and a seven month old. Trust me, it is a little bit like crazy town most days! However, through this crazy season, God has been teaching me. He has been showing me some pretty ugly places in my heart. It's amazing how having children can do that for you, they can reveal places that no one else could pull out of you. They can be so unimaginably joy giving and so completely frustrating all in the first five minutes of the morning. My LJ is no exception to that rule, in fact I think that rule was written specifically for our relationship. :) I feel an explosion of love when she looks at me and says "mommy will you snuggle me?" and no greater frustration than when she blatantly disobeys. And in those moments I have learned two things; one, that God is the most patient Daddy to love me in my disobedience, and two, that I have a long way to go.
I am a talker, I have always been a talker, I am learning now that this is not a bad quality to possess however my speech is the most powerful weapon I own, especially in my home. I have seen the destruction that one moment of irritation and a complete lack of self control can wreak on my home and more importantly the ones I love dearly that live in it. I have also seen the power that loving speech has on my sweet, words of affirmation thriving, little munchkins. I have wield the power to build up or destroy in each moment of communication with those I interact with. And those I spend the most time with are my children. As a stay-at-home-mom I alone speak to my children the majority of their days. I am the voice they hear each morning as they wake, and the last sound they hear before they close their eyes to sleep. I have a HUGE responsibility. They are watching me, they are watching how I do life. Especially my little lady, I am Jesus to these kids. But more than that, I am Jesus to each person I encounter. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ through me. Therefore, I am Courtney, but my life belongs to Jesus. I am His representative. And my words need to reflect that. I am learning... I am far from having this "under control" but I am learning. I can either build up those around me by loving them with my words. (side note: this does not mean never speaking truth in love... but it means JUST that, speaking it IN LOVE, speaking truth is not an excuse to be rude, condescending, or hurtful) Or I can start small forest fires in every conversation I choose to partake in.
Lord teach me to be an encouraging speaker, one that is willing to speak in love or be silent. Teach me to love with patience and mercy. Teach me to be Jesus to those around me.
