I am a woman whose heart yearns for realness. Realness for myself, but also realness for women around me, for I know with realness comes freedom! I long for greater confidence in Christ and hope to inspire those I come into contact with to feel the same. This is a blog about my journey to transform into something more beautiful, something more real, like a butterfly. These are ponderings from a willing heart.

Monday, April 23, 2012

What's in a name?


     “What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Man do I love Shakespeare, the drama, the language, ahhh the romance.  Yes, I am a hopeless romantic in some ways; I love a good love story, one with twists and turns, ups and downs.  But I think maybe Shakespeare missed the mark on this quote.  I think that what we call something, or someone, is of great importance.  I mean think about it, we love to hear our names called out.  We love to write it down in different ways.  We would hear it in a crowd full of conversation.  We identify ourselves by our names, by what people call us.  This thought took me down a wonderful path of healing several years ago when someone proposed this question to me “What does God call you?”  I had never thought of this.  I had never questioned who God said I was.  Now this was very important for me during this season in my life as I was struggling through figuring out who I was, what I was going to do with my life, and where my worth laid.  If you recall in scripture God often changed the names of people at a significant point in their journey with Him.  Abram became Abraham, Saul became Paul.  This is important; this is how they knew who they were in God’s plan.  So I began to pray “God, who do YOU say that I am?” I prayed for months, I cried out to Him for an answer. 
     At this point in my life I was broken, my heart was hurting, I felt useless and worthless.  I had just graduated from Union University, a private faith-based college in West Tennessee.  I was so proud of myself for my accomplishment; however I had no idea who I was anymore.  I had ALWAYS been a student; I had always been a “good” student.  I knew what my worth was; it was attached to my transcript.  Suddenly I was… what?  This is where I met God, in the floor of my living room (think criss-cross-applesauce style) with my Bible open and my eyes flooded with tears.  I was begging Him to tell me who I was.
     I was sitting quietly staring at my feet (I have a tattoo of “beloved” in Hebrew on my left foot).  God began to stir in my heart “You are MY beloved”.  I was completely uncomfortable with this thought.  Beloved??? Really??? That sounded so intimate, so romantic?!  Is that really how God felt about me?  I had always thought of God as “Father”, a concept I was comfortable with considering the absence of mine in my childhood.  This is when I realized it was equally as important for me to know what I called God, what was His name in my relationship with Him.  He was calling me His beloved, He was beckoning me into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him, one that is beyond child and father, one that is deeper than friend.  So that is where my love affair with God began.  In the floor of my living room, with my heart poured out before Him, God began a slow dance with me.  He took the lead and began twirling me around the dance floor telling me of His love for me.  I had never felt so known, so understood!  God’s desire for all of us is this intimacy, this closeness.  He is not only a father, judge, mentor, friend, He is all of those things, but He is also the LOVER OF YOUR SOUL.  I pray that you would have the opportunity to learn who God says you are, that you would experience this love and intimacy when God calls you by your name.  


Thursday, April 12, 2012

Jesus, beyond religion

     I just finished reading a book by John Eldridge called “Beautiful Outlaw”.  Now I read quite a bit, I like both fiction and non-fiction.  I enjoy a good tear jerker, as well as a “search your soul and apply” kind of read.  But I can honestly say, in my twenty-five years of breathing and learning on this earth, that I have never read a book like this one.  John takes a completely counter-cultural (at least in the Christian culture) look at Jesus and describes him ever so bluntly.  I was in love at first chapter.  This Jesus that I have served for the majority of my life, but somehow always felt a distance from, was being brought to me in a full access, as close as my skin, kind of way.  Let me tell you what I have learned… I have learned that Jesus was not a dry, boring, mystical speaking, miracle performing, above humanity type of man.  As a matter of fact he was the exact opposite! The distance we have put between us and Jesus, the “honor and respect but don’t rock the boat too much” type of religion that so many of us have believed, however unknowingly, is completely contrary to the Jesus we would have experience in a face-to-face, flesh and bone encounter 2,000 years ago.  Jesus was FULL of personality, full of wit, sarcasm, love, compassion, and in-your-face defiance of religion.  Jesus was the fulfillment of relationship.  This makes complete sense when you think about the reason Jesus was born.  He chose to become a man, to walk with us, to love us intimately.  Not from a distance, not in a way that we could not relate to.  He chose to literally BE one of us.  He had to learn to crawl, walk, talk, eat with a spoon, lace up his sandals, and share with others, just like us.  He got dirty, sweaty, and yes even smelly, just as we do on a hot summer day.  He felt betrayal, abandonment, anger (though he did not sin), joy, and love.  He laughed, he cried, he danced, he walked for miles on end.  This is the real Jesus, this man who hung out with the boys (the men we like to call his disciples, like that makes them holy and therefore worthy of friendship with Jesus) he fished with them, ate with them, had inside jokes, and loved them dearly.  This is the kind of relationship he wants with us.  You, yes you, in all of your imperfections, flaws, busyness, fears, failures, and messiness.  (Note: I am speaking of myself there!)  Jesus wants YOU, he wants ME.  He wants to be not just part of my life, HE IS MY LIFE.  I get to live my life through him, in him, by him.  Without him living my life I can only be “good” for so long, I can only be so patient with my child and husband, I can only be so kind to the grumpy cashier, I can only be so content in my circumstances and then I fall apart.  With Jesus, this kind, noble, fun-loving, patient, yet powerful, passionate, and driven man I can be all of these things.  I do not want to forget this, I do not want to read this book and move on, I want to hold onto it like the precious treasure it is.  I want to know, really know, Jesus, love him for who he really is.  Hold tight to the truth of his personality and not go back to religion.  What I long for is authenticity in my relationship with him, to let him be himself with me, so that way I can be the best version of myself in this life. 
http://updates.ransomedheart.com/beautifuloutlawmain/