When you are weary

    You know those times when you are bone-deep tired.  Not just physically, like you have worked your body super hard to it's breaking point, but when you feel like that is also the state of your heart and mind.  You have worked so hard, for so long, that you have reached your breaking point?  Do you remember that feeling?  Those heavy, exhausted sighs, as if somehow taking in enough air will reinflate your body and mind... remember that feeling when you were finally able to rest? 
      I remember a time like this vividly, I was a child, maybe 9 or so, and I was swimming in a lake with my family.  I was pretty small, but could swim well enough that my mom wasn't too concerned about me.  There were some adults having an inner tube race in the deep part of the lake, they were facing backward at the starting line and I swam in the way of the oncoming traffic, they took off and I was quickly pulled under the water by the passing inner tubes.  I remember frantically kicking my feet and scrambling to find the surface of the water, I was turned around and terrified, I couldn't touch the bottom, but couldn't find the top.  I don't really remember who found me or if I eventually swam my way back to the part of the lake I could touch the bottom.  But what I do remember is the feeling I got when I finally reached the shore and my mom was there to hug me and make sure I knew I was safe again.  My lungs felt hot and heavy, my legs were tired from thrashing in the water, my eyes burned (partly from the water in the lake, but mostly from crying) and I took that first deep breath in my momma's arms and it felt so amazing.  Then I remember sitting with her on the shore and feeling so relaxed and at ease, I was safe, I could rest.  
     I tell that story because there have also been seasons spiritually when I was drowning, or at least I felt like I was.  My feet were kicking as hard as I could kick, but without knowing which direction the top of the water was, they were completely useless.  I was striving so hard, working with all my might to get back to safety, to find the shore.  Along the way I even tried holding on to other things, people and objects, to keep me afloat.  Only to find that I would either drag them down with me, or that I would lose my grasp and they would disappear.  All I had to do was stop thrashing, stop fighting, some swimming, and cry out for help and God would be right there to lift me from the water and onto the shore.  I remember the night that happened for the first time, I was sitting in my living room crying out to God completely empty and exhausted.  I finally surrendered, I gave up my fight and held up my hands for God to save me.  And He did, simple as that, He was there... there wasn't anything magical about the way I did it.  It wasn't some out-of-body-experience, just a feeling of exhaustion, then surrender, then rest.  I took that deep breath, the kind that shudders in your chest, and then just rested in His arms.  I was safe, the problems and circumstances were still around me, but I was safe in His arms.  Jesus would fight those battles, I could just lean back and rest in His embrace.  
     I'm not really sure why I feel lead to talk about this today, maybe because I am feeling weary and exhausted from striving.  But I just felt like I needed to remind myself, and share with others, that there is rest for our weary souls.  We don't have to strive so hard, we just need to find the arms of our Savior and rest there.  
"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.."-Jesus