Captivating Beauty

    A good friend of mine and I have had many conversations as of late that sound something like this... "I need to be eating better, I am so fat...   I need to be committed to going to the gym/working out I cannot believe I how much weight I have gained..." etc... I am sure you know the conversation.  Maybe you have had it yourself recently.  We are bombarded with images of women in our society that either plague us with insecurity or cause us to become bitter and cynical.  What is this desire for beauty? Why is it so central to our beings as women?  Is it God created? Could this insurmountable desire to be noticed, to be adored, be part of God's creation?  I would dare to say a resounding YES!!!  I am doing a lot of studying and reading on the issue of beauty and insecurity.  In the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldridge, this issue of the desire for beauty is largely addressed.  Stasi writes, "a woman knows, down in her soul, that she longs to bring beauty to the world.  She might be mistaken on how, but she longs for a beauty to unveil.  This is not just culture, or the need to "get a man".  This is in her heart, part of her design."  She goes on discussing how women are created in God's image, God is not inherently male or female, God has both masculine and feminine qualities.  That is why men and women are created so differently, yet so complementary.  Men long for a beauty to rescue, hence the "superhero" phase that some (including my husband) never grow out of :). Women desire to be sought after, to be adored, to be seen, which can be seen in the dress up, jewelry wearing, makeup dawning, twirling princess stage in most little girls.  These completely different desires are complementary of one another.  This is the Lords, heart in action.  He is a warrior, he is a valiant hero. Yet He also longs to be sought after. All throughout scripture God says "Seek Me" "Know Me" "Love Me".  How much does that sound like something I have thought in my head (and at times said out loud).  God's hearts desire is for us to desire Him.  God yearns to be known, to be sought after.
     So the desire to be found beautiful and yearned for came from the Lord.  However, I feel that most women doubt that they have any genuine beauty to unveil.  I know it is one of my deepest doubts.  I am so very aware of my shortcomings, my flaws and imperfections.  I am convinced ever so easily that I have nothing to offer, that there is nothing in me that is desirable, therefore I must try to muster up some form of beauty on my own accord.  But what is deeper than that lack of confidence in my outward appearance is my lack of confidence in God.  Stasi talks about this as well... "Eve was convinced by the serpent, convinced of what?  Convinced that God was holding out on her.  Convinced that she could not trust His heart toward her. Convinced that in order to have the best possible life, she must take matters into her own hands.  And so she did.  She is the first to fall.  In disobeying God she also violated her very essence."  How difficult it is to trust that the Lord's desire is for the best possible life for me, that I can trust His heart.  He alone knows my desires, He created them!  He can fulfill that undeniable, unquenchable thirst to be known, the be seen, to be adored, He only asks the same in return.  If we should ever doubt that beauty is the essence of God, simply take a look around... nature's soul purpose is not to be functional, but to be beautiful.  Beauty is inviting, nourishing, comforting, transcendent, beauty draws us to God.

Christmas Ponderings

    As the Christmas season gets thrown into full gear I was listening to a little girl talk about how her family reads the Christmas story together each year.  She said "I think I have heard it about a million times!" I could definitely understand her sentiment, I mean how many times have we heard the song Away In a Manger, or Silent Night? It's so easy to simply go through the motions of Christmas and miss the miracle that it represents.  As a new mommy I am seeing Christmas with a fresh new perspective.  I had never thought about the event through Mary's eyes.  I mean I knew that she was a virgin, not married, and an angel told her she would give birth to the Son of God that would be the Savior of all mankind.  But I had never thought about the physical, emotional, and social changes that Mary endured during her nine (actually ten, but that's a pretty well kept secret!) months carrying Emmanuel.   I remember during my first trimester how sick I was, I mean sick sick sick and so very tired.  Did Mary feel this way?  I then remember how nervous I was about every single thing I put in my body, how much more anxious would I have been if I was carrying the Hope for Salvation?  I also remember the excitement I felt the first time I felt Lynnlee move,  I can only imagine the love that abounded in Mary the first time she felt that sensation of Jesus growing and moving!  But the moment I most remember is the moment I first laid eyes on my baby girl.  She was so beautiful, tiny, and completely helpless.  I was overjoyed, and terrified simultaneously.  I was responsible for her well-being, I was her caregiver, she NEEDED me.  Though Mary knew that Jesus would ultimately be the King of kings, He was still born a tiny, beautiful, helpless baby.  Mary had the responsibility of nursing Him, changing Him, rocking Him to sleep.  I cannot begin to fathom the depth of love and fear that Mary felt.  She loved Jesus in a way that no other person on this earth could ever love Him, she loved Him as her son.  I know I love Lynnlee deeper than any other human being on earth, Travis might run a close second ;)  I am so proud of her every accomplishment no matter how small.  Mary would have felt the same pride and joy watching Jesus take His first steps, hearing Him first say "Mama".  What a miracle Jesus' birth truly is, fully God, yet completely human.  Complete perfection in a tiny baby.  That is the reason for Christmas, that is the reason we celebrate during this season.  Jesus gave up His right as God and came to dwell, even for a little while, among men.  And the one person who would recognize just how miraculous His birth is, was the same person that probably cried tears of joy and tears of fear the night He came into this world, His mother, Mary.  This song has meant so much more to me this year than it ever has before, I will close with the lyrics to Mary Did You Know?

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?
This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?

Mary did you know.. Ooo Ooo Ooo

The blind will see.
The deaf will hear.
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap.
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am.

Bondage

   Webster's dictionary defines bondage as:  the practice of rendering people harmless, helpless or keeping them in captivity by means such as handcuffs, fetters, straightjackets, ropes, straps, or other forms of physical restraint.  In my life I can definitely identify times where I have been rendered completely useless to the Lord by a means of bondage, and let me tell you a secret... Satan wanted it that way!  If Satan can render people harmless, helpless, or hold them captive then he can incapacitate the Gospel from furthering into our culture!  And he is clever about it, Satan doesn't wave a big flashing neon sign that says "Bondage ahead!" Sometimes, oftentimes in my life anyways, it's by my own doing that bondage occurs.  Sometimes I slip those handcuffs on myself! Sometimes I allow someone else to tighten the straps on the straightjacket.  And then there are those times that I am strapped down against my will.  No matter how we got that way, bondage renders us completely useless for the Kingdom. 
     A girfriend and I are doing a study by Beth Moore called "So Long Insecurity".  This book has revealed a lot of areas in my life where I have been in bondage, in some cases for years.  The comparison game, the self depricating and self doubt, in myself and others, have all robbed me of the joy that can come from the Lord using me.  They have robbed me of relationships, they have robbed me of my passion, they have placed me in ropes and restraints and tied my hands behind my back.  For years I have said "I don't want to work with women, I don't even like women."  What a lie my insecurity fed me thatI have bought into.  I love women! I love our hearts, I love our passions, I love our differences and similarities.  What I don't love, what I fear most, is our rejection of one another.  Our unintentional, or intentional, harm to one another is painful to watch, and even more painful to experience.  The world says that weakness should be trampled out, that it should be hidden away.  God says, in our weakness HE is made strong.  The world says we need to look better, do more, hide any sign of vulnerability.  God says, we are fearfully and wonderfully made and that He knit us together in our mother's womb.  That sounds intentional to me! That sounds like he fashioned each nuance of my body, of my spirit, of my personality.  He created me to be exactly who I am and that I should not be ashamed that I am imperfect.  When God does something great through a vessel as fragile and feeble as myself, HIS power is made obvious to the world. HE is glorified by my weakness, if and only if I allow Him to use me.  If I allow Him to free me from my bondage in sin and fear.  If I allow Him to love others through me. 
     My story has it's share of scars, some of them were given through no wrong-doing of my own, some of them were wounds I inflicted on myself.  But if I can untether myself from the weight of shame and meet the arms of forgiveness and grace at the altar, then and only then can I be used for greater things in the Kingdom of God. Below are some lyrics to a song that speaks this freedom so eloquently.

There's a place, a place I've found
Not made of earth, not made of stone
This place is sacred, this place is secret
Here in the presence of a Holy God
Here in the presence of a Holy God

Come to this place, come seek His face
Find the hands of forgiveness
Look into the eyes of grace
Run to redemption with tears of joy and pain
Let fire fall and purify our hearts
Come to the altar, come to His arms

There's a place, a place of healing
There is no shame within your scars
This place is sacred, this place is secret
Here in the presence of a Holy God
Here in the presence of a Holy God

Come to this place, come seek His face
Find the hands of forgiveness
Look into the eyes of grace
Run to redemption with tears of joy and pain
Let fire fall and purify our hearts
Come to the altar, come to His arms

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is God

Come to this place, come seek His face
Find the hands of forgiveness
Look into the eyes of grace
Run to redemption with tears of joy and pain
Let fire fall and purify our hearts
Come to the altar, come to His arms
     May I not be a reason that someone is in bondage.  Lord help me to be a vessel of loosening the chains that are holding us down and rendering us useless, not a vessel that tightens them!

Security

    Within the past few months pretty much every single thing that I knew to be certain in my life has changed.  If you have followed my blog at all since this summer I have talked about many of these changes. First of all, this time last year I was pregnant trying to decide what I was going to do with Lynnlee whenever I went back to work.  I soon gave my worries and fears over to the Lord and made the choice to stay at home with LJ.  This was going to be a HUGE sacrifice, financially, for Travis and I.  We were sure this was what God was calling me to but the fear was still there. Then came the transition from pregnancy to "mommy-hood".  This came quite a bit earlier than anticipated when Lynnlee made her entrance into the world 6 weeks earlier than her scheduled time!  Though this was unexpected, Lynnlee was healthy, she just wanted an earlier start!  There have also been several friendships fade out and others become prominent in this time period.  Some dissipated for reasons unknown, others for lack of common desires.  The relationships that began, as others came to a gradual end, have proven to be a blessing from the Lord during my time in transition.  Travis and I also made the difficult decision to change churches.  Though this choice was not an easy one, it has proven to be the best thing for our family.  The Lord has continued to bless us for our obedience, but for me to say I was completely secure in my decisions throughout all of these situations would be a lie.  I constantly questioned myself, my gifts, what I had to offer.  Each new arena brought out new insecurities about myself.  Would I be a good enough "stay-at-home-mom"?  What would people think about my choice not to use my degree at this time?  What would people say about Travis and I changing churches?  All of these thoughts plagued my every move.  Within the past few weeks God has been dealing with my thoughts, fears, and concerns about myself and my decisions.  I know that in all of these moves Travis and I have made the choices together.  That alone gives me a little security, Travis is in my corner, he has my back.  Another comfort is knowing that God is strong enough for each and every circumstance I encounter, good or bad.  No matter my situation I can find contentment and comfort in His enduring love and unmatchable strength.  I know that in ALL of life's many ups and downs, in all of my fears and insecurities, in all of the uncertainties that will come my way, GOD is present and active.  He does not sleep nor does He slumber,  He sees and knows each of my fears and offers comfort if I am willing to trust in Him.  I pray that I would continue to find my security in the Lord, not the world!  That I would trust My Creator to tell me the truth about myself, not society, not even the church.  If we cheapened ou worth to what the world says of us, we will miss out on the blessing that comes with taking steps in faith and believing in the sovereignty and goodness of God!  For to live, to truly live in the freedom of the Lord, is Christ! Anything other than that is a cheap knock-off that will leave us wanting.

Obedience an Acts 5 kind of faith

    Obedience, a word that I cringe when I think about.  Obedience most of the time means delayed gratification, complete denial of my fleshly desires.  Obedience is something that I have been praying for, thinking about, and implementing since Lynnlee is now crawling and getting into everything.  I must teach her to be obedient to my voice.  I must show her what is good for her as well as what is bad for her.  She does not know, she cannot have the knowledge that she needs to make the best choices for her tiny little self.  She doesn't really appreciate it when I tell her no, in fact she completely despises that word.  She cries, throws herself in the floor, and gives me the most pitiful face.  Sometimes I have to stop myself from thinking "do I really have to tell her no?"  I know the answer to that question is a resounding yes.  She must know her boundaries.  I believe that is the same way the Lord feels for us.  Obedience is of the utmost importance.  We cannot know what is good for us, we do not have the whole picture.  God does know, He sees all, He knows us better than we know ourselves, He knows the chain reaction that is set in motion when we are obedient.  I was listening to a sermon today that was talking about this subject.  The scripture was on Acts 5:15-29.  The disciples had been imprisoned for the Gospel.  This was not the first time, in fact it was the second time the authorities had thrown them in prison and said "STOP! Stop spreading this nonsense around our city."  I know that if I had been imprisoned for something, not once but twice, I would hesitate to do the same thing a third time.  I mean isn't he definition of insanity doing something over and over and expecting a different result?  Well, God works in the crazy, God wants us to be crazy enough to obey.  This almost always is met with opposition, in fact we should expect it! BUT, oh and there is a but, He will accomplish great things with our obedience.  I was thinking about a time when I was obedient to the Lord's voice when it made no sense.  I can say that in that moment I knew that God had set in motion a chain reaction that I will know it's full extent when I get to heaven.  But how many times did I miss out on God's blessing by being disobedient? How many people lives were effected because I was too fearful, logical, and stubborn to follow the voice of the Lord?  God, please give me the opportunities to be obedient to Your call.  I want to know Your blessings, I want to experience Your power in a way that can only seen by crazy, illogical, obsessive obedience to You and You alone!

"Greater things are yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city"    and I long to be part of them!

Community

     It has been a while since I have written, I think that is for many reasons, the most important being that I did not feel as though I had a peace from the Lord about what to share.  This week has been pretty tough, I have been sick (walking pneumonia, but I am on the upswing) and Lynnlee Jade has officially gone mobile so she stops for no one! With my down time I have had wonderful opportunities to share in some meaningful conversations with some wonderful friends.  The topic of conversation has consistently been the need for one another and the community we desire.  This past week at church the sermon was on Philippians and Paul's letter to the church.  Paul expresses his deep affection for the people of the church and even goes as far as to say he longs for them with the affection of Jesus.  I was profoundly impacted by the intensity of those words.  I remember when Travis and I were dating, I was in college in Jackson and he was working in Hohenwald.  We would write letters, e-mails, and call often telling the each other how we longed for one another.  I missed him with a physical ache on more than one occasion.  That is what those words conjured up in my heart, Paul yearned for the church of Phillipi.  He missed them dearly.  What bond tethered him to that particular body of believers above all others?  According to the rest of the scripture it was a mutual love and longing for the furtherance of the Gospel and the love of Jesus.  They were putting "first things first".  According to Jesus the greatest command is to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, and mind, and then to love one another.  That sounds so simple, yet it's impact is profound!  I pray that I would be involved in a community of believers that is living out that principle.  I pray that I could link arms, and hearts, with other brothers and sisters in Christ and love each other and others in that way.  Ministering to the needs of unbelievers and loving them to Jesus must be the outcry of our churches today!  So what does that practically look like in my life?  It means not hiding in the congregation on Sunday mornings and slipping in and out unchanged and unnoticed.  It means bringing the messiness that is my life and getting messy with others.  It means looking for opportunities to give to a community of believers and not simply to take from them what I feel I need.  It means bringing my authentic self, the woman God created me to be, with all of my flaws, imperfections, gifts, and skills and saying "Show me where you need me".  Jesus' love is irresistible, it is fulfilling, it is worth sharing and living this life out of the overflow of that love.... with courage, conviction, and passion for the sharing in this journey with others.

Sequoia trees

     In the past few weeks I have gotten the opportunity to visit with several friends that were/are going through some very difficult trials in their lives.  Some losing a child/children, some marital discord, some financial worries, and many other situations.  I am certainly no stranger to trials in my own life and I feel so honored to be able to share the burden with some wonderful women.  During these times I continue to hear a common theme throughout the conversation; that it is so powerful to have believers to walk alongside you during your hard, dark, lonely times.  Through these relationships I have experienced the love of God through His daughters in a powerful way.  In the midst of pain and suffering He created us to lean on one another, to strengthen, to hold each other up.  The Lord intended us to walk with each other through these hardships, to hold hands and hearts, to encourage one another in His hope and mercy. 
     While I was spending time with the Lord this morning I was reading in "The Love Dare" and the author used the illustration of sequoia trees.  He said that the sequoia tree can withstand strong winds, floods, and even fires because they are one of the only species of tree that interlocks roots with one another.  This illustration made my heart swell with joy and love for the women in my life who have allowed me to "interlock roots" with them, it is by this sharing of life with each other that the Lord has ministered in abundance to me.  "Where two or more are gathered..." this is the way God intended us to love each other.

this is an image of the sequoia trees, may we be willing to interlock roots with one another with the Word of the Lord as our common bond.