Surviving or Thriving

If you have been following my blog for any amount of time you will surely have noticed that this past year or so has been difficult to say the least.  We have experienced loss like I have not experienced in my entire life combined.  As I was beginning to feel like God was beating up on me, or that He was just too busy to notice, I had an encounter with Him that reminded me that His character is true and sufficient.  I had been hanging on by a thread.  Standing on the ledge.  Feeling like I looked just like this plant.  Withered, beaten, neglected, and barely surviving.  Then my sweet Lord came to me... He met me on a church pew with other sisters who looked just a tired and ragged as I was feeling. (Funny isn't it, that when we are feeling so neglected we forget that we are not alone?) He reminded me in His Word to "understand this, in the last days there will come times of difficulty." ( 2 Timothy 3:1) So what then?  When life beats you down, circumstances feel as though they will overtake you, and you feel as though you are barely hanging on? What do we do then?  That was the question I was coming to the Lord with on this particular day.  And God oh so sweetly reminded me that I have hope.  Hope that He can take any circumstance and make something so beautiful out of it.  Beauty that I couldn't begin to even imagine, much less create.  He can take a person, barely surviving, but willing to be poured into and cause them not just to "make it", but to thrive!  This truly is His desire for my life.  When the storms come, that I wouldn't just "hang in there" or  wait for the phrase "this too shall pass" to become true, but in the midst of the storm to THRIVE.  So, how do I do this... as I was reading a book given to me by a sweet friend, the author said something that really struck a cord in me.  She said "Yes, you can throw pieces at God in anger and say "I do not like the life You have given me, and I refuse to life within these limitations with a humble heart."... However, if you choose to bow your knee and submit to the varied circumstances of your life, God will do miracles... you must accept any limitations by faith, trust in His faithfulness each step of the way, and wait for His grace so you can live a faithful story right in the place you find yourself." (Sally Clarkson) So that is the secret to thriving in the midst of the storm.  Submission, faith, and trust in God.  That He has a greater plan then you can imagine in this moment.  That He is orchestrating all things, not just when things are good and the sun is shining, but on those nights when the storm rages outside the window and your heart feels shattered.  The only difference in the first picture of the wilting plants, and this one is the second picture has been watered, tended to by The Gardener. I'm sure this entailed some painful pruning, but the plant trusted and submitted to The Gardeners plan to create something beautiful! Something that is not merely surviving... but thriving! 

But there was also another picture that God revealed to me.  And this one was harder on my heart than the first two.  Take a look at this plant.  It looks beautiful, like it is flourishing and thriving in that beautiful stone pot.  But the reality is that this plant is neither surviving nor thriving, in fact it has never experienced either, it is artificial.  Fake.  A fraud.  It requires no pruning or watering, no tending, no painful grooming.  No attention from The Gardener.  It is safe from the painful process that The Gardener has in mind for the living plants.  It is plastic.  And as I was thinking about all of the seasons of my life that I have been "plastic", unliving, fake, and safe, it came to me just how much bravery it takes to be real.  To be vulnerable to the process and plan that The Gardener has for our lives.  It is much easier to be fake.  It is much easier to be safe from the storms, in fact they don't matter when you are fake, nothing can hurt you.  But you will never experience the fullness and joy of being cared for and protected by The Gardener.  Being real is worth the pain.  It's worth the vulnerability when you have The Gardener tending to your heart.  

God, please continue to prune me, to tend to my heart, to water my soul with Your Word, the Living Water.  Help me to be vulnerable enough to be real and not artificial, even if I do look like the plant that is barely surviving.  Thank You for Your kindness, mercy, patience, and tenderness.  I submit my life to You.  In Jesus sweet, precious name I pray. Amen

When the dust settles

     After all of the excitement we had in the month of July, as far as I'm concerned, it can just take a hike and be wiped off our calender!   I'm ready for August, I need a fresh start.  But God has been so faithful to teach me so many wonderful things through the trials we experienced in July.  He never lets anything, any experience, go wasted when we surrender our hearts and our lives to His will.  I'm going to attempt to share, in a somewhat coherent manner, a few of the things I feel like He has been teaching me. Bear with me if I get a little hard to follow.
     First of all, I have learned a couple of things about myself.  I have learned I am great in crisis.  I mean really, in the moment of tragedy, you will want me at your side.  I get this strange calm that takes over.  Everything is super clear, I know that was God, I know He was upholding me.  He gives us strength in our weakest moments.  On the flip side of that coin, when the calm comes after the storm, when I get still and process, I struggle with tremendous amounts of anxiety after-the-fact.  So that's where I am today, the dust is settling, Levi is healing wonderfully, and life is returning to "normal".  So now is when I begin my struggle with anxiety, I am working really hard on surrendering this to God at this time, He says "cast all your cares upon Me, My yoke is easy and my burden is light".
     So that's what brings me to these past couple of days, a heart struggling with anxiousness, and a knowledge that I have a God who cares about that.  A sweet friend of mine, she was once my "watch care momma" (basically an adoptive mom through the church I attended while I was in college), she has been involved in my life for eight years now and I am so grateful for her wisdom and willingness to share her heart with me and my family... she brought me a book a couple of weeks ago called "Rules for the Red Sea".  It has been a tool that God has used over and over again to remind me of some truths that I have known but that are so easy to forget in the time of crisis.  If you are in a trial or know someone who is, this little book is worth the investment.  So I began reading about a week ago and the story of the Israelites had some great parallels in my life now.  I opened up my Bible and decided I wanted to see what God's Word had to say about these circumstances and a couple of things became very clear to me.
     First, that God is in control of ALL things.  It says in Exodus 13: 17-18 that God led the people of Israel out of Egypt and into the wilderness instead of going into the land of the Philistines (which would have been a more direct route).  His reason?  "Lest the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt."  God took them on a more lengthy journey because He knew what their hearts could and could not handle. He was protecting them, even though they may never have known from what.  Sometimes I feel like I know a shorter way through the journey, a way that would get me there faster, but God doesn't allow me to travel that path, I may never know why or what He was protecting me from.  But I can be assured that this is what is best for me and my family.
    Second, that God will get His glory, because He alone is worthy.  And that is the whole point of us being on this earth, to bring Him glory, so the whole earth will know Him.  In Exodus 14: 1-20 the Bible tells us the story of how the Israelites arrived at the Red Sea.  It says God told Moses to lead the people of Israel into a "rock and a hard place" type scenario, "the wilderness has shut them in" and their backs were to the sea.  Then God said "I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and he will pursue them, and I will get glory over Pharaoh and all his host and the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord."  So the scene is set, the Israelites in a hopeless scenario and for what? For God to get His glory in the land of the Egyptians.  When I read that statement it struck my heart and it was like there was a light that turned on in the darkness.  This is it, this is the whole reason that "bad things happen to good people".  God's glory and His worship is the end game.  It is the way that the world can see Him most clearly, when God is glorified and lifted up.
     The story continues... The Egyptians are pressing in and the Israelites are terrified (and rightfully so) and they cry out to the Lord. And what is God's response?  "Fear not, stand firm,and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again.  The Lord will fight for you, and you have only need to be still." (vv. 13 &14)
     So that is what I am doing, I am actively being still and allowing God to fight for me.  When the walls are closing in and the enemy is drawing near.  When the sea is at our backs and there is no apparent escape.  God says, "watch and see".  It isn't a passive lack of care or laziness, it is an active choice to stand still.  Stand still and listen for God's next command, we never know when that sea will part and He will say "follow me into a miracle".