Security

    Within the past few months pretty much every single thing that I knew to be certain in my life has changed.  If you have followed my blog at all since this summer I have talked about many of these changes. First of all, this time last year I was pregnant trying to decide what I was going to do with Lynnlee whenever I went back to work.  I soon gave my worries and fears over to the Lord and made the choice to stay at home with LJ.  This was going to be a HUGE sacrifice, financially, for Travis and I.  We were sure this was what God was calling me to but the fear was still there. Then came the transition from pregnancy to "mommy-hood".  This came quite a bit earlier than anticipated when Lynnlee made her entrance into the world 6 weeks earlier than her scheduled time!  Though this was unexpected, Lynnlee was healthy, she just wanted an earlier start!  There have also been several friendships fade out and others become prominent in this time period.  Some dissipated for reasons unknown, others for lack of common desires.  The relationships that began, as others came to a gradual end, have proven to be a blessing from the Lord during my time in transition.  Travis and I also made the difficult decision to change churches.  Though this choice was not an easy one, it has proven to be the best thing for our family.  The Lord has continued to bless us for our obedience, but for me to say I was completely secure in my decisions throughout all of these situations would be a lie.  I constantly questioned myself, my gifts, what I had to offer.  Each new arena brought out new insecurities about myself.  Would I be a good enough "stay-at-home-mom"?  What would people think about my choice not to use my degree at this time?  What would people say about Travis and I changing churches?  All of these thoughts plagued my every move.  Within the past few weeks God has been dealing with my thoughts, fears, and concerns about myself and my decisions.  I know that in all of these moves Travis and I have made the choices together.  That alone gives me a little security, Travis is in my corner, he has my back.  Another comfort is knowing that God is strong enough for each and every circumstance I encounter, good or bad.  No matter my situation I can find contentment and comfort in His enduring love and unmatchable strength.  I know that in ALL of life's many ups and downs, in all of my fears and insecurities, in all of the uncertainties that will come my way, GOD is present and active.  He does not sleep nor does He slumber,  He sees and knows each of my fears and offers comfort if I am willing to trust in Him.  I pray that I would continue to find my security in the Lord, not the world!  That I would trust My Creator to tell me the truth about myself, not society, not even the church.  If we cheapened ou worth to what the world says of us, we will miss out on the blessing that comes with taking steps in faith and believing in the sovereignty and goodness of God!  For to live, to truly live in the freedom of the Lord, is Christ! Anything other than that is a cheap knock-off that will leave us wanting.

Obedience an Acts 5 kind of faith

    Obedience, a word that I cringe when I think about.  Obedience most of the time means delayed gratification, complete denial of my fleshly desires.  Obedience is something that I have been praying for, thinking about, and implementing since Lynnlee is now crawling and getting into everything.  I must teach her to be obedient to my voice.  I must show her what is good for her as well as what is bad for her.  She does not know, she cannot have the knowledge that she needs to make the best choices for her tiny little self.  She doesn't really appreciate it when I tell her no, in fact she completely despises that word.  She cries, throws herself in the floor, and gives me the most pitiful face.  Sometimes I have to stop myself from thinking "do I really have to tell her no?"  I know the answer to that question is a resounding yes.  She must know her boundaries.  I believe that is the same way the Lord feels for us.  Obedience is of the utmost importance.  We cannot know what is good for us, we do not have the whole picture.  God does know, He sees all, He knows us better than we know ourselves, He knows the chain reaction that is set in motion when we are obedient.  I was listening to a sermon today that was talking about this subject.  The scripture was on Acts 5:15-29.  The disciples had been imprisoned for the Gospel.  This was not the first time, in fact it was the second time the authorities had thrown them in prison and said "STOP! Stop spreading this nonsense around our city."  I know that if I had been imprisoned for something, not once but twice, I would hesitate to do the same thing a third time.  I mean isn't he definition of insanity doing something over and over and expecting a different result?  Well, God works in the crazy, God wants us to be crazy enough to obey.  This almost always is met with opposition, in fact we should expect it! BUT, oh and there is a but, He will accomplish great things with our obedience.  I was thinking about a time when I was obedient to the Lord's voice when it made no sense.  I can say that in that moment I knew that God had set in motion a chain reaction that I will know it's full extent when I get to heaven.  But how many times did I miss out on God's blessing by being disobedient? How many people lives were effected because I was too fearful, logical, and stubborn to follow the voice of the Lord?  God, please give me the opportunities to be obedient to Your call.  I want to know Your blessings, I want to experience Your power in a way that can only seen by crazy, illogical, obsessive obedience to You and You alone!

"Greater things are yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city"    and I long to be part of them!

Community

     It has been a while since I have written, I think that is for many reasons, the most important being that I did not feel as though I had a peace from the Lord about what to share.  This week has been pretty tough, I have been sick (walking pneumonia, but I am on the upswing) and Lynnlee Jade has officially gone mobile so she stops for no one! With my down time I have had wonderful opportunities to share in some meaningful conversations with some wonderful friends.  The topic of conversation has consistently been the need for one another and the community we desire.  This past week at church the sermon was on Philippians and Paul's letter to the church.  Paul expresses his deep affection for the people of the church and even goes as far as to say he longs for them with the affection of Jesus.  I was profoundly impacted by the intensity of those words.  I remember when Travis and I were dating, I was in college in Jackson and he was working in Hohenwald.  We would write letters, e-mails, and call often telling the each other how we longed for one another.  I missed him with a physical ache on more than one occasion.  That is what those words conjured up in my heart, Paul yearned for the church of Phillipi.  He missed them dearly.  What bond tethered him to that particular body of believers above all others?  According to the rest of the scripture it was a mutual love and longing for the furtherance of the Gospel and the love of Jesus.  They were putting "first things first".  According to Jesus the greatest command is to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, and mind, and then to love one another.  That sounds so simple, yet it's impact is profound!  I pray that I would be involved in a community of believers that is living out that principle.  I pray that I could link arms, and hearts, with other brothers and sisters in Christ and love each other and others in that way.  Ministering to the needs of unbelievers and loving them to Jesus must be the outcry of our churches today!  So what does that practically look like in my life?  It means not hiding in the congregation on Sunday mornings and slipping in and out unchanged and unnoticed.  It means bringing the messiness that is my life and getting messy with others.  It means looking for opportunities to give to a community of believers and not simply to take from them what I feel I need.  It means bringing my authentic self, the woman God created me to be, with all of my flaws, imperfections, gifts, and skills and saying "Show me where you need me".  Jesus' love is irresistible, it is fulfilling, it is worth sharing and living this life out of the overflow of that love.... with courage, conviction, and passion for the sharing in this journey with others.

Sequoia trees

     In the past few weeks I have gotten the opportunity to visit with several friends that were/are going through some very difficult trials in their lives.  Some losing a child/children, some marital discord, some financial worries, and many other situations.  I am certainly no stranger to trials in my own life and I feel so honored to be able to share the burden with some wonderful women.  During these times I continue to hear a common theme throughout the conversation; that it is so powerful to have believers to walk alongside you during your hard, dark, lonely times.  Through these relationships I have experienced the love of God through His daughters in a powerful way.  In the midst of pain and suffering He created us to lean on one another, to strengthen, to hold each other up.  The Lord intended us to walk with each other through these hardships, to hold hands and hearts, to encourage one another in His hope and mercy. 
     While I was spending time with the Lord this morning I was reading in "The Love Dare" and the author used the illustration of sequoia trees.  He said that the sequoia tree can withstand strong winds, floods, and even fires because they are one of the only species of tree that interlocks roots with one another.  This illustration made my heart swell with joy and love for the women in my life who have allowed me to "interlock roots" with them, it is by this sharing of life with each other that the Lord has ministered in abundance to me.  "Where two or more are gathered..." this is the way God intended us to love each other.

this is an image of the sequoia trees, may we be willing to interlock roots with one another with the Word of the Lord as our common bond.

Slowing down

These past few weeks have felt like a whirlwind! I started my last Fall semester, my internship, took on a position as a coordintor for a women's event at Fellowship, signed up for "Mom's and More", and took a trip with Travis and Lynnlee in the midst of all of it!  After months of being home and taking care of Lynnlee all of this felt overwhelming and burdensome.  Though each individual piece is wonderful, each piece has so much potential to grow me and teach me about the love of God, the sum of it all feels cumbersome and exhausting.  In the midst of all of the chaos I was looking through the pictures of our trip to North Carolina.  I have already uploaded them to the computer and shared some on Facebook so I was just going over the trip in my head.  Then I came across this picture...



Suddenly I remembered the beauty of God's creation... the detail He spent time crafting, each individual leaf, each cloud in the sky, each breath that I breathe in and out, He spent time creating.  He thought I was important enough to create each facet of my being, each quirk in my personality, each tiny fiber that makes up who I am.  So instead of feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and ragged I am choosing to remember that God created me with abilities and gifts and that He will provide the strength to become the woman He crafted me to be.  Sometimes I have to slow down enough to see the world around me and know that I am loved more than the sparrow, more than the flower, that if God is taking care of them, He will take care of me.

Baby Steps

      As a child I always looked forward to maturing and getting older. When I was older I could sit at the adult table, when I was older I could drive, when I was more mature I would know more. I was always looking for ways to be wiser than my years. I liked to be with the adults, I liked having all the answers, I liked independence. As time has gone on and I have gotten older I can see that in many ways I am still obsessed with the idea of maturity. I want to be through the growing process with the Lord and have everything figured out. I don't want to be in the midst of uncertainty and confusion, I don't want to get things wrong over and over. This is where the Lord met me today in my quiet time.

      Since Lynnlee has been born I want nothing more than to appreciate every single new development, no matter how small. We were so excited the first time she smiled at us, the first time she rolled over, the first time she laughed, the first time she sat up... the firsts for our little girl have been monumental! There is no wishing for her to grow faster, for her to mature, each step is so sweet.  The Lord, the Ultimate Father, must feel the same way for me. He loves each and every little bit of progress I make in my relationship with Him. He celebrates each tiny baby step toward a closer and more mature relationship with Him. He doesn't wish away any of my learning moments, He doesn't get exasperated with my failed attempts, He shows me again how to do it correctly and provides another opportunity for me to try. God celebrates each conversation had where truth is spoken in love, where grace and mercy is extended, where His Word is spoken and elevated. He looks at my life as a whole, my past, my present, and He alone knows my future. He knows where I have come from, my past failures, He sees my present circumstances and the progress made thus far, and He also sees my future, the growth that will occur and the outcome. He knows each and every tiny step in the right direction is ultimately leading me toward holiness, toward Him.

      If the Lord is celebrating my tiniest of successes and growth then I suppose I should as well! When I fail and get it all wrong I know that God is forgiving and teaching me how to do it right. I know He will provide another opportunity to try again if I am willing to learn from my past mistakes and failures. There is no rush, there is no time limit, there is only this moment and this opportunity to take baby steps toward the one who sees and celebrate each and every one of them.

When Trust Doesn't Come Easily

      Trusting the Lord seems so foundational and even elementary in the Christian walk. But if it is so elementary, why is it also so difficult? Until recent times I would have said that I trust the Lord completely. That is until I encountered a situation that I could not fix on my own. All throughout scripture the idea that that Lord is for me and my ultimate good is repeated. But what about when something bad happens? What about when the money isn't there? What about when the miracle doesn't happen? What if healing doesn't come? What if the relationship goes unmended? What if my cries go unanswered? Is God still for me then? Is God still working all things together for good? This is where the idea of trust meets the road of reality.

      God has really been working on my heart with a revelation, the revelation that this is a fallen world, a world with pain and suffering. This is not a reflection of God's neglect, it is a reflection of our humanity, our free will and sinful nature. When something bad does happen so often my first instinct is to turn to God and ask “Why?” The answer is simple, because this is an imperfect world, this is a world that we were never intended to live in. What do I do with that? I mean really, how do I reconcile that in my heart? It is with this knowledge, that God is still the orchestrator and author of all good things, that nothing is too big or too hard for the Lord. God can take that which this fallen world sees as terrible and empty of any hope and turn it into a opportunity for His love to be shown. I have experienced this often enough in my spiritual walk that I should be able trust the Lord with each moment. When I am in the place that I feel as though I cannot take one more step, that all of my tears are cried, that my heart is broken in two, it is then that the Lord comes to my rescue. He scoops me up into His loving embrace, wipes my tears, and carries me the rest of the way.

      Trials and suffering are going to exist in this broken world, sin and Satan make sure of that. It is in those moments of suffering that the choice must be made, to trust the Lord completely and know that He can take the ashes and make something beautiful from them, or to see the situation as irreparable and desolate. It is when I choose to trust that the greatest growth is experienced, it is when I let go of the wheel of my life and climb into the passenger seat (sometimes I really just need to be in the trunk so I can't try to take the wheel again!) that God can really flex His muscles, pour out His mercy and love, and make something beautiful out my pain. With all of this in mind I pray that I learn to trust the Lord without any exception, without wrestling and anxiety. That I begin to truly believe that the Lord of heaven and earth, creator of my soul, and lover of my heart is FOR ME, that He is working all things together for good. It is in that knowledge that I will find my solace and peace in tribulation and suffering.