Either way

     God has been working in my heart with some serious questions lately… questions like “what if I pray and the money doesn’t come?” “What if I pray and that person isn’t healed, what if instead they die?” “What if the worst conceivable thing in mind and heart does in fact come to pass, is God still God?”  I have a lot of friends, and friends of friends, going through heartache.  I am no stranger to this, nor do I believe that I am somehow exempt from experiencing it again.  And I have been praying, fervently praying, for some serious miracles to happen.  But then I hear God in my heart, “What if I choose not to?” Let me tell you, that messes with me.  That messes with my picture of what I think God should do.  But let’s go there for a moment.  
     What if He doesn’t do the things that we think He should, the things we have been on our faces praying for? What if that child never comes to know the Lord? What if that addiction is never healed?  What if we do lose our jobs?  What if, like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, we find ourselves being thrown into a fiery furnace?  I have the faith that I know my God can save me, I know he can heal, I know he can provide, but what if He simply chooses not to?  When God posed that question in my heart I began to pray, I pray for a willing heart to respond as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego responded to the furnace in Daniel 3:17-18 “Our God, whom we serve, is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king.  But if not, be it known to you O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” 
     But if not, in other words either way, I will serve my God.  Either way I will follow Him, I will follow Yahweh.  Even if it means through the fire and pits, even if I stand alone, even if I cry out in agony and fear, I will serve my God.

 Lord God, solidify this deep in my heart so that when the storms of this world come, when the situation looks bleak, I will trust in You alone.  Make this my hearts cry in the moments of pain and affliction, in moments of impossibility; give me this faith to follow You! Either way Lord, either way! 

Healing

Healing... that word brings up so many thoughts and emotions.  Sometimes healing is a passive process, one that involves waiting and allowing time to do its thing.  Sometimes, more often in my life anyway, healing is an active process, one that involves a little pain, a lot of work, and a whole lot of freedom.  Recently I was approached by a woman in need of some healing, but in order for that healing to occur she needed me to make a decision, one that made me a little uncomfortable (okay a lot uncomfortable).  I wasn't sure I felt as though I could give her that opportunity. However after a lot of prayer and seeking wise council I decided I would allow her the platform.  And oh how sweet that healing was for her and for me.  So why was I so uncomfortable with it in the first place?  Well you see sometimes time heals things before we take them to God, but they heal back wrong.  Like a broken bone that isn't set correctly and begins to heal, in order for the bone to heal and be the most functional it may have to be re-broken and reset.  Now I have never broken a bone but I have heard that this process is excruciating. The bone has hardened due to the damage, it tries on its own to assure that the bone won't get broken again.  I believe that this process is also true of the heart.  Once it is broken it must be taken to the Heavenly Physician to mend properly.  However, sometimes I desire to just allow time to do it's thing, sweep it under the rug and not deal with it.  It will heal on it's own right? Well then I will just deal with the damage until then.  Oh how wrong I have been, on down the road I realize that my heart may have begun to heal improperly, it has damaged my view of people and situations and skewed my God vision on life.  That is when healing takes a hard turn, I have to take my heart to the Father and allow Him to open up the wound that is healing incorrectly and reset it.  This process is extremely painful at times.  But here is the good news,  once it's reset, once the break is given the proper positioning, healing comes with great joy and freedom.  Full range of motion is returned and my damaged heart is given the chance to heal with God doing the mending.  I have experienced first hand the freeing power of the cross and forgiveness in my life and there is nothing sweeter in this world than a heart that is healing by the blood of Christ.  However uncomfortable, however terrifying, however difficult, healing is worth it!